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timothynothing's magnificent tales
Jun. 12th, 2005
10:51 pm - Bwhahaha I'm Still Alive!
The last couple of weeks of my life have been hectic and stupid, which is why no updates have happened until now. Being the genious that I am, I decided it'd be a good idea to work about 50 hours a week at Hardee's and Piggly Wiggly, leaving me with only a few hours of my day to do things like relax, eat and sleep. Things look dismal for my sanity until I got a call from the Brokaw Paper Mill, saying they'd hire me for a hella lot of money. They love me so much they plan on paying me $12.50 an hour to work for them, that's a lot of love. This also means I'll probably only work 40 hours a week, meaning more of my awesomeness for all to see. Or not, who knows. This of course is not an update, for it is nearing my bedtime and I have to get up at 9 tomorrow, which is horseshit. Hopefully now with my new job I'll have a bit more spare time to work on writing projects that involved a computer and the internet, assuming my brother isn't being a loser on the Rome Total War forums. Seriously, he's on there all the time. ALL THE DAMN TIME. I barely have enough time to see what the intelligent folk on Blabbermouth.net have to say about every band ever. Did you guys know that Kurt Cobain was a no talent hack who couldn't write a song for his life? Here I thought he was an extremely talented musician, but thank goodness those guys set me straight. Okay, Robot Chicken is on now, bye.
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accomplishedMay. 24th, 2005
12:03 pm - Summer Time Dawg!
Hello and welcome again to the Satellite of Love, I'm Mike Nelson and--just kidding, you've actually stumbled across my Magnificent Tales once again, you lucky dog you. The updates are going to be getting a bit sparse nowadays since I'm at home, working my ass off for money I can't spend, but when you do get updates, boy oh boy they'll be humdingers (sometimes)! I'm sure I'll have plenty of wonderful things to talk about from my adventures at Hardee's and Piggly Wiggly, where I will be getting paid $6.50 and $6.00 per hour, respectively. Tales of people ordering a "two-quarter pound thickburger" and hours of sheer boredom will fill these posts for the next three months, and it's going to lead to comedy gold, which will later be examined and declared "fool's" comedy gold. Enjoy, you ungrateful mongrels.
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apatheticMay. 12th, 2005
07:11 pm - House of Wax, The Original Script!
This past weekend saw the debut of the new House of Wax
film, much to this weekend's chagrin. The film starred Elisha
Cuthbert, some dude and Paris Hilton, and apparently was supposed to be
a remake of the 1953 horror classic of the same name. The reviews
of the film have been, to put it lightly, pretty goddamn
horrible. Currently, the film has a 24% approval rating at rottentomatoes.com,
which is pretty abysmal as far as I'm concerned. Supposedly, the
film consisted of Paris Hilton trying to act sexy with one half closed
eye and Elisha Cuthbert looking hot while not even trying, and then the
villain is some waxy sonofabitch whose name is Vincent, which is the
only nod to the original film that doesn't take a dump on its
face. While this film is pretty much a bomb in every sense of the
word, but there's been rumors... ON THE INTERNETS... about an original
script that didn't suck so much. Well, strangely enough, I was
able to get my hands on this script, and boy, I'd say it's about, I
dunno, a MILLION
times better than the filmed version. I have no idea why they
didn't stick with this version, because as you'll see it is really
good, but hey, that's what happens when idiots start making
movies. I will bore you no longer with my intro, here is the
synopsis of the oh gee version of House of Wax: 2005!!
( Read more... )
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chipperMay. 4th, 2005
01:52 pm - The Dumbfuck's Guide to Tekken 5
As you may have guessed from my last post, my birthday was last
weekend, and boy was it a doozie. I received many wonderful gifts
that would make any Muslim convert to Christianity with the promise of
said gifts, including The Exotic Sounds of the Alter Boys
(I'll give it 4.5 stars out of 5), Mystery Science Theater 3000 Vol. 7
DVD set, and a stuffed Godzilla toy that roars when you hug it
(sweet). But I'd have to say the greatest gift I got for my 19th
birthday has to be the video game Tekken 5. Holy crap is this a
good game. I have been a fan of the Tekken series for years now
after I spent about twenty bucks of my parents' money at the arcade
playing Tekken 2 instead of watching my brother bowl six years ago,
because watching him bowl is horrifying. This is the first Tekken
game I've actually owned because I was a Nintendo n00b during Tekken's
rise to power, so I am amazed at how awesome the game is. And I
realize that this, like any other game, is played by newbies, so I am
going to try to cure some of the noobishness that people who aren't me
are plagued by with my Dumbfuck's Guide to Tekken 5. Behold!
( Read more... )
Apr. 27th, 2005
12:49 pm - First Annual Birthday Spectacular!!!
Yes, in only two days, my wonderful birthday will come, and all the
Christians will celebrate. I don't know if any of you know this,
but I share a birthday with some pretty famous people, namely the
legendary Willie Nelson, the regal Carl Gustav XVI, the comely Kirsten
Dunst, and the black Isiah Thomas. If you didn't know that fact,
you probably don't know that every year, a few days before April 30th,
these four celebrities and myself get together for a little party, just
to catch up with each other. We always enjoy a meal of unpeeled
grapes and meatsticks while we discuss our lives, and afterwards we
watch a Godzilla movie of rotating person's choice. This year,
it's Isiah's turn, although I think he'll be hard pressed to top Carl
Gustav's choice of Godzilla vs. Gigan from last year. We've been
doing this for some time now, I think close to ten years, and this year
I've decided to let you all in the secret awesomeness. Behold, my
wonderful April 30th Celebrity Birthday Party!
( Read more... )
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tired of writing so muchApr. 22nd, 2005
03:20 pm - Does Your Favorite Band Suck?
Everybody knows that everybody has opinions about music; everybody also
knows that everybody else's opinions are wrong. If you like a
certain band or type of music, there is always somebody out there to
point out why you are a faggot for thinking that way. I got to
thinking that since all of the arguments presented by everyone could
not be disproven by the opposing side, maybe I could take all the
elements of all these different viewpoints in an effort to find the perfect band.
Over a course of several years, I traveled around the globe, gathering
facts from people of all walks of life about what made a band
suck. Out of my travels came a checklist that has been proven by
scientists and the experts at VH1 to be a valid form of band
classification. By applying these rules to a band, we can
decisively determine whether a band is good or for retarded goths. Behold!
Checklist for Band Suckiness
1. If a band has sold over 500,000 copies of an album, this means they have sold out and made pussy music for the masses.
2. If a band has sold under 100,000 copies of an album, this
means they suck too much to reach an audience larger than the people in
their home city.
3. If any member of a band is black, the band is automatically disqualified from ever being good.
4. If any member of a band is a girl who doesn't dress like a
slut, they are just a bunch of teases who think they are too good to
show us some ti-tays.
5. If any member of a band is a girl who does dress like a slut,
this means they are just trying to get attention by whoring her out,
which is just disgusting.
6. If a band sings about how their parents beat them when they
were children and how they want to commit suicide, this means they are
crybabies who can't grow up because we all know that child abuse isn't
that big of a deal.
7. If a band sings about love, they are fags, even if they are a band full of women.
8. If a band sings about "bitches" and "hoes," they can be referred to Rule Number 3.
9. If a band sings about Satan, they are just a bunch of crazy bastards who are out of touch with reality.
10. If a band sings about God, that means they are just trying to
appeal to the massive Christian market, meaning they are crazy Jesus
freaks who are out of touch with reality.
11. If a band has the name "A New Found Glory," that means they suck really, really bad.
12. If a band has made a music video, it means they are a sell out TRL band.
13. If a band does not make a music video, it means they suck too much to get the okay from the studio to produce one.
14. If a band plays at a venue with 5,000 or higher person
capacity, that means they are just touring for money, not for the music.
15. If a band plays at a venue with less than 1,000 person
capacity, that means they suck too bad to fill up a larger venue.
16. If a band wears masks/makeup, they are homos, pure and simple.
17. If a band has more than five members, they are just stupid and should be ignored.
18. If a band formed from 1995 or later, that means they are part
of the new, shittier version of music that has polluted the airwaves.
19. If a band formed earlier than 1993, that means they are too
old and no longer musically relavant. Grow up, you fucking
dinosaurs.
20. If one of the band's members look like this...
...you would do our nation a favor by fire bombing their tour bus, killing them all.
21. If a band uses acoustic instruments... I shouldn't have to explain this.
22. If a band uses amps and distortion devices, that mean they masturbate to pictures of Tubgirl.
23. If a lead singer screams throughout every song, this means I
can't understand them and I fear things I can't understand.
24. If a lead singer has an American Idol-esque voice, this means
they are gay and enjoy mansecks, even if the lead singer is a woman.
25. If a band is not American through and through, they are
traitors and should have umbrellas shoved up their asses and then have
the umbrellas opened.
26. If a band has a lead singer that can't take a few point-blank
gun shot wounds without dying, that means your band is full of pussies
who can't hold their liquor.
27. If a band's lead singer commits suicide, that means he knew the band sucked and got off the ship before it sank.
28. If a band uses any instruments or lyrics that bands in the
past have, that means they are unoriginal and need to steal ideas to
suck.
29. If a band can be categorized into a genre of music, this
means they suck quite profusely, because labels means they are
conforming, and conforming is fucking retarded, as noted by George
Orwell, I think.
30. If I don't listen to a band on a consistent basis, that means
they don't matter since my opinion trumps all, even that of God's.
31. I hope you get the joke now, dammit.
There, that's my scientifically proven list of ways a band can
suck. If any bands you listen to fall under any of these
qualifications, you should probably stop listening to them before
somebody catches you and tells your parents. Hopefully this list
will help all music lovers discern from the globally accepted music and
the shit that you like.
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highApr. 13th, 2005
12:36 pm - Cat Hunting Season, Yo!
Normally when I turn on the news or connect to my favorite news web
site (via the internet) I always block out such things as world events
or national politics and only pay attention to the entertainment
report, since that's what's really important. Yesterday, though,
was a different kind of news day. On any other day, the news of
Britney Spears finally forgetting to take her morning after pill and
getting knocked up would have rocked the very fabric of humanity,
changing the course of history forever; but yesterday, a referendum
held in my homestate, Wisconsin, overshadowed Britney's whorish
ways. Apparently, there is a major feral cat problem in Wisconsin
(that's news to me) and those little felines are committing a genocide
of our state's precious songbird population. Most states would
try to have some sort of capture and neuter plan for the feral cats,
but not us--we decided the easiest solution would be TO HUNT THE CATS.
The referendum passed by roughly 1,000 votes, which is a fair amount
considering only about 12,000 people voted. This now means the
bill will be given to our state legislature, who will vote on it and if
it passes, it will be plopped on the desk of our honorable governer Jim
Doyle for approval. The reason why I am overly excited about this
is because cats annoy me. They are generally unaffectionate,
angry, territorial, and can't do tricks. Cat owners confuse me
with their love of an animal that they never get to see or pet or play
with, and if the bill becomes law, then I will be able exact sweet
revenge on those damn cats. The day after Jim Doyle puts his John
Hancock on that bill, I will position a turret in my backyard so I can
sit and wait for cats to come along. My neighbors better make
sure their goddamn cats stay in their yard or else I'm going to snipe
the hell out of the cats. And although the law states you can't
kill cats with a collar, I figure it should be easy enough to remove
the collar after the killing and bury it in my garden, then claim the
owner never put a collar on their cat. Yes, yes this is all good
news. I'm so eagerly anticipating this bill becoming law, I'm
going to be first to lay down some rules for the cat hunt.
Baiting:
In case you are in a location with very few cats, you will be able to
utilize cat-baiting to attract your prey into your line of fire.
Below are some suggestions of possible bait that will be legal to use:
Legal Hunting Areas:
Anywhere cats are prevalent, feral or domesticated. This includes
fish stores, fences, farms, the Humane Society and cat owners' houses.
Methods of Hunting:
Like the old saying goes, there is more than one way to skin a cat, and
never before has it been more appropriate to a situation. There
really will be no limits to how you can hunt these beasts, so the only
restriction is your the magnitude of your imagination. Below are
a few of my personal suggestions:
Bear Traps--This idea
coincides with the baiting plan. Just plop some Fancy Feast in
the middle of a bear trap, sit back and enjoy the show.
Mine Up the Litter Box--This
plan will probably be the most hilarious of any hunting method.
Carefully hide a few PMN mines under the odor absorbing crystals of the
litter box and wait for some cat to come meet its maker. Those
stupid fucking cats will walk around like they're going to the
bathroom, when in reality they are going to the death! Hell yeah!
Trap Them in a Box--The
old box and stick trap. Pull the string attached to the stick
once the cat walks inside the box, thus trapping the cat. How you
kill them is up to you at that point, it's all up to how creative you
are. I personally plan on drilling a hole in the box wide enough
to slide in a lit stick of dynamite.
Appropriate Weapons For the Hunt:
Along with any other methods you can think of, there will be the
traditional gun or arrow hunting approach. Below are some of the
guidelines for weapons during the hunt:
Bow and Arrow--You
know what this looks like, I'm not getting you a picture. This is
a highly recommended method of hunting, since it will probably be the
most agonizing death for the cats out of any of these weapons.
M4A01--High powered sniper rifle that will make sure those cats
won't cause trouble any more, since they will be in many, many little
pieces.
M79 Grenade Launcher--It's in the game, you paid $50 for the game, you should be able to use it. Feel free to launch away!
IW-80A2--The above
statement about it being in the game does not apply to this gun.
It is a n00b cannon and if I fucking see any of you faggots using the
Eye Dubya to hunt cats, I swear I'm going to fucking TK you and vote
your ass out. I swear, I'll do it, you fucking dick sucking n00b.
Yeah, that's about all I care to say about the subject. Hopefully
our Wisconsin state government will come to their senses and totally
allow open hunting on feral cats. Cats serve no purpose in
society, and if anything the hunt should be expanded to domesticated
cats. Cats are like lizards in the amount of affection they give,
but the redeeming value of looking cool is not found in cats.
Cats are worthless. Cats, if anything, are food for children and
cows. My advice to any person who has their cat "accidentally"
killed in the cat hunt--get a dog.
ecstaticApr. 8th, 2005
09:28 pm - Nazis Are Bad and Other Observations That Go Without Saying
The other day when I was on lower campus enjoying a wonderful sandwich
(or a low quality deli wrap, I don't remember) when I saw a very butch
looking young man wearing an leather coat with an interesting message.
Emblazoned on the back of the coat was a nazi swastika that had a big
red slash through it. This made me think; this young man was certainly
making a bold statement. When he woke up that morning, he looked in his
closet of message bearing coats and spotted that particular coat and
thought to himself, "Yes. Yes, that is the coat that I will wear
today." He didn't care that there might be some nazis attending college
and eating lunch in that very same lunch room, he was going to make a
statement. This young man was declaring to the world "I THINK NAZIS ARE
BAD AND I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU ALL THINK!" I realized to myself that
oftentimes on college campuses, there are people that like to go
against the grain, take the side of the minority. This boy knew that
there probably were plenty of people he upset with his anti-nazi coat,
but he didn't care. He was drawing a line in the sand, the line that
seperated the nazi majority and the
jewish/gypsy/homosexual/christian/atheis
Ha ha, yeah, that's all I got. Boy, I'm lame. Tired
too. I need to get some sleep and a trucker hat to wear on my
head improperly. Maybe a shirt with sleeves that only cover my
deltoid muscles on my arm, that'd be sweet. Then my pants need to
not be loose but actually very appropriately sized and then wear them
around my thighs so it looks like they're really loose. Then I
need to wear a sweater that only goes down to my waist, revealing my
boxers to the world. This will not only provide me with more
writing material, it'll probably get me some ladies, too. I'll
wear boxers that have the word "penis" with an arrow pointing down to
my crotch in the front and the phrase "EXIT ONLY LAWL" on the back,
just to remind those homosexual rapists that I'm not in play. The
"penis" part is self-explanitory. Yes, that will do.
Tomorrow's Saturday, so I could go over to the mall and spend some of
my parents' money to get me some of said clothing. Then I'll come
back and start a prostitution ring where I'll be the only eligible
customer, since all the ladies will only want me and my awesomely witty
boxers. I'll be sure to update all of you on that as it
progresses; as for now, I'm going to talk to jokers and pot smokers on
SOCOM II online. They will reaffirm my belief in humanity.
Ciao, bitches!
tiredApr. 1st, 2005
03:40 pm - The World Mourns the Loss of Some Lady
I don't know if anybody knows about this, but apparently Terri Schaivo
died yesterday. There has been little coverage of this in the media, so
I think I should probably give some background to the readers out
there; about 15 years ago, Mrs. Schaivo was experimenting with bulimia
(as any good Christian would) and lost control of its amazing weight
loss powers. She lost the usage of everything on her body except
for her eyes and haunting smile, but was still somehow alive. Her
doctors, family, and husband were momentarily saddened by this
development, but then realized that this could be the start of an
amazing scientific revolution. They figured if they could keep
her alive until modern technology became advanced enough, they could
turn Terri Schaivo into a mechanical super soldier (they had something
like Robocop in mind perferably). Fifteen years later, a.k.a.
today, her husband realized they were tampering in God's domain and
ordered the feeding tube that fed her the life energy of sacrificed
virgins be removed. The doctors and the courts agreed, saying the
MechaTerri Project was not cost efficient, citing the slow advancement
of technology. Her family, though, thought that they had invested
too much money in the project and pulling the plug now would cause them
to lose millions in potential dollars from the funding the military
would have given them, and refused to have the virgin tube
removed. The Republicans viewed her as potentially invincible
soldier of Christ, the leader of their party, so they tried to pass
legislation or some shit to get the tube back in her tummy. Then
the courts in the Florida overruled the legislation and were like,
"BITCH DON'T BRING THAT WEAK SHIT 'ROUND HERE!!!" Terri finally
passed away on March 31, 2005, 9:05 a.m. EST, after two weeks without
her life force. Yeah, that's how it went, don't even check to see
if I'm right. You can trust me.
Anyway, this is tragic for the entire world because she's white and now
we're all in mourning. People all around the world have poured
their sympathy toward Terri's family, including some powerful public
figures. Below are some are their testimonials and condolences
they are sending to Terri and her family:
The Undertaker: Now... after 15 years... Terri Schaivo can finally... Rest... In... PEACE...
Stephen Hawking: There can be only one!!
George W. Bush: Of course it was tragic!... what was the question again?
Osama bin Laden: Yeah, remember me, bitches? That's right, it's me, Osama! And you guessed right, I pulled the feeding tube from Terri Schaivo! Didn't see that coming, did ya?!
Corey Taylor: Although
the passing of Terri Schaivo, or any life for that matter, is a
horrible loss, I am relieved by her crossing over. To see her
puppeted around by her family and the politicians as some sort of
martyr for the religious right disgusted me to no end. The
Republicans in Congress and the President tried to pull on the nation's
heartstrings so they could overturn the courts' decisions, which is a
breach of the Jeffersonian Democracy's idea of checks and balances,
which is not only sickening to see, but also very frightening to think
about. If the executive or legislative branch can all of a sudden
not have to answer to the judicial branch, we will be one step closer
to an Orwellian regime running our country. I pray for Mrs.
Schaivo's soul, but I also pray for the future of our democracy in this
great nation we live in.
Christopher Lambert: There can be only--wait, that's already taken? Shit, um...
Christopher Lambert: You
will participate in Mortal Kombat, to stop the armies of Shao Kahn from
entering our realm... or something... fuck, whatever. RIP, Mitch
Hedberg.
There you have it, an outpouring of emotion from our nation's most
powerful people. I hope all of you are properly saddened by her
passing, or Congress will pass legislation against YOU.
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saddenedMar. 29th, 2005
07:24 pm - Reading is Exhausting!
It has been brought to my attention that my posts here on Livejournal
are--how you say?--long as hell. Well, you know what? Sometimes I go on
a tangent and that tangent has a bomb strapped to it, one that will go
off if I let the tangent travel below 50 mph, and the only way to stop
it is to have a dashing yet wooden Keanu Reeves defuse the bomb. So,
realizing how long my last post was, I'm going to edit it down to a
level that I'm sure readers of all skill levels will be able to enjoy
and appreciate. So, without further ado, I present to you Is You a Race-alist?: Re-cut--
Kalypso--DUR, BLAXS AER STEELING MEH JERB AND WOEMENS!!11!// MORE MONIES FOUR TEH POUR LIEK MEH!!11
Timothynothing--DUR, STFU YUO REDNEKC!!! BLAKS HAVE BIGGAR PEENS
THAN YUO, THEY DEZERVE MOAR MONEY!!1shift+1!!1/1 GG
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!!
There you have it, Is You a Race-alist?: Re-cut.
I hope this has been a help to all of you time-strapped readers out
there. Join me next time as I review Leo Tolstoy's timeless War and Peace line by line, providing my personal in-depth analysis of every word and sentence.
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recumbentMar. 16th, 2005
03:31 pm - Is You a Race-alist?
Why hello thurr, children! You know, in my recent journeys across
this barren wasteland known as "the internet," I have begun to notice
how much Affirmative Action is talked about by people.
Oftentimes, Affirmative Action is not spoken of in a positive light; in
fact, some people downright disagree with it. It would be unfair
of me to say that all of these people are poor white folk who have been
beaten out by a Mexican for a job at Wal-Mart, but yeah, they're all
poor white folk who have been beaten out by a Mexican for a job at
Wal-Mart. To give you all an idea of an example of this type of
thinking, I have randomly taken an article from a random person on the
internet, then proceeded to dissect and disembowel his argument.
His speech of ignorance is in bold and my words of marginally less
ignorance are in not-bold. And yes, the thing might be double spaced, but I don't care. Makes it look like a term paper or something. Behold:
To make up for the economic deficit in the black community caused by
slavery, segregation and racial oppression that has happened in our
nations history, we as a people currently implement a system called
“Affirmative Action” to help make up for the wrongs our ancestors
committed. I believe Affirmative Action is wrong, and not only wrong,
but racist and unnecessary.
Not like slavery, right?
The Democrats politically advance systems
like Affirmative Action, and several other programs such as “Black
History Month” in public schools are currently in affect to try and
make up for the wrongs our ancestors inflicted upon the African
American population, which in itself, is wrong.
Those damn Democrats, trying to teach people in schools
about American history. I know I'm severely inconvenienced by Black
History Month; a few weeks ago I was trying to watch metal music videos
on BET, and those fuckers were playing rap music!
Goddammit, where's my Meshuggah and Mushroomhead videos, BET??
Did you give in to the powerful influences of the Democratic Party
during Black History Month and show rap music?? Sheesh!!
The fact that segregation, slavery, and oppression happened cannot be
denied, nor their wrongs undone, and yet our government tries to do
exactly that.
Adolf Eichmann--"Yeah, sorry about that whole Holocaust
deal, I feel really bad. But come on, people; inditing me of war
crimes isn't going to bring those 6 million people back, so let's just
let bygones be bygones, whaddya say?"
Due to a lack of general family wealth Affirmative Action
is trying to get African Americans better job opportunities in our
nation today, but such programs have negative side effects. The first
and most obvious is that Affirmative Action in and of itself is racist.
Yes, negative side affects like people getting jobs they normally couldn't get. Boy, that'd be a tragedy, wouldn't it?
It is a program based solely on race to advance one race above another,
creating an unequal playing field, supposedly trying to even the
playing field due to lack of family wealth.
This man's ignorance is displayed for all to see
here. Affirmative Action is not about uneven playing fields due
to family wealth; it is about uneven playing fields due to RACE.
Pretty much his whole argument is moot and worthless after this point,
but I'm going to continue anyway because I'm a jerk.
What is happening though is
Colleges seeking out minorities to have a “more diverse” school,
placing people with lower, sometimes substantially lower scores in the
college to have a higher diversity, and unfortunately, that means
majorities must have higher test scores to compensate.
Yes, because I've seen so many Colleges (note the
capital "C") letting in kids from the Bronx with ACT scores of around
6, it happens all the time. I know I have to totally ace both the
ACT and SAT tests to even hope to get into a community College now
thanks to Affirmative Action.
Diversity is not
a bad thing, it is required diversity that is messing up the system.
This is true, but since when has America been good about
unforced diversity? Our public schools are still largely
segregated, large black populations are forced into ghettos of cities
while white folks move out into suburbia to avoid any contact with
black people, and our professional basketball teams are dominated by
large black men. Forcing diversity is about the only way you can
go about achieving diversity because if we were left on our own, we'd
be like we were back in the 1950s.
Colleges are required to have a certain level of diversity, and receive
recognition for having more, which leads to talented people who are
members of a majority to be left behind. Affirmative Action is trying
to level the playing field, but instead is kicking off a large portion
of talented students, and taking their place are less talented people
with a less common skin color.
No, not really. Affirmative Action only takes
people with relatively close scores and choses the darkie; they don't
kick out a kid with a 4.0 GPA and a 34 ACT score to put Ja Rule in
their colleges. I actually would prefer black people of the same
intelligence to come to my college instead of whiney white people like
the author of this rant, despite black people's taste in music.
Colleges are not the only areas effected by Affirmative Action. Two
equally qualified people go to a job interview and the minority will
always be hired. If the majority is hired the minority can sue for
racism, but if the minority is hired the majority cannot do anything
but continue the job search. Such a double standard is becoming
commonplace in our society, enforced diversity leading to less
opportunities for people without the benefit of being a minority.
"The benefit of being a minority?" BWAHAHAHAHAHA THAT MAKES ME ROFL TOO HARD STOP YOU'RE HURTING ME LOLOLOLOLOL!!1!!11.1/
Not
only will the minority have a degree from a better school, but even if
the majority can match it the minority will still end up with the job,
causing minorities to get jobs they simply don’t deserve, and the
employer cannot do anything about it because of the threat of a
lawsuit. Diversity is a good thing, but when enforced in this manner
comes at a price, and that price happens to be less qualified employees
and the threat of a lawsuit looming around every corner.
I'm not even going to say anything about this because he
just keeps saying the same damn argument over and over.
"Waaaaahh!!! Really dumb negros are taking all of our
jobs!!! They're taking all of our dorms at college!!!!
Waaaaahh, some black guy named Jamal came and stole my girlfriend,
promising her the wonders of a female orgasm!!! Fukkin'
Affirmative Action!!1"
But if all of these are true, how can Affirmative Action still be in
place in our society? Democrats will always keep this on their agenda
to get “The Black Vote”, whether or not it is morally sound. Coming
from the African American perspective, Affirmative Action is making up
for wrongs done to their family, and trying to level the playing field
for minorities to obtain jobs. But if I received a job when there were
5 other people going for it, and I was a minority, they weren’t, I
would always have the thought lingering on my shoulder, “Did I just get
this job because of my race?” Job satisfaction comes partially from
knowing you do your job well, and how can you be satisfied if the only
reason you got the job in the first place was the color of your skin or
the accent of your voice? As well, what happens to the 5 other
applicants who may have been more qualified but must find jobs
elsewhere?
Wow, this is assuming a lot. The author begins to
fantasize about being black, possibly because he dreams of having a
penis that is larger than his thumb when erect. The author here
says that black people should always be ashamed of getting jobs when
another person in the running for the said jobs is white, and he's
right. Black people should know their place in society, they
should know everything given to them is a gift and they didn't deserve
it, and the author here brilliantly illustrates this point. Also,
damn those damn Democrats again for trying to stick to a platform of
charity and compassion toward the unfortunate population of this
nation. Allah will have special punishments in store for them in
the afterlife due to their kindness.
Affirmative Action is far from perfect, but no one seems to understand
how to improve the system. A better system would be more government
grants and scholarships to people who do not have an abundance of
family wealth to fund college and an education, so people get equal
opportunities and are not left behind due to bad financial standing.
This would not be a system based on race, but a system based no means,
since the main argument for Affirmative Action is that the African
American family treasury is less than the majorities. However, there
are poor white families too, who would get a fair share of this
program. A poor African American family getting more money than a poor
Caucasian family is racism, plain and simple, and that’s what’s
happening right now with Affirmative Action. The program should be
based on wealth, not race, this would even out the scales, and cause
less of a disturbance in the balance of things.
So, basically the author wants to change Affirmative
Action into welfare. Geez, that's a good idea. Seriously,
if this dude wants financial help that much, he should just go find a
mud puddle to roll in, start whitening his teeth and listen to rap
music, because THAT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU ARE GOING TO GET HELP FROM THE
AFFIRMATIVE ACTION PROGRAMS. YOU MUST BE BLACK OR SOME OTHER
MINORITY, THAT IS THE DEFINITION OF THE AFFIRMATIVE ACTION
PROGRAMS. DUR-HEY.
In conclusion, Affirmative Action has several negative side effects.
Enforced diversity in colleges pushes out majorities, and condemns poor
families of a majority even more than they would be before. Jobs are
then offered to minorities over majorities, giving them even less of a
chance to succeed. Focus on race instead of means causes majorities
without the means to be completely left behind by the system,
practically condemning them to poverty. Affirmative Action should be a
system based on means instead of race.
In conclusion, you are a racist moron. You don't
understand what Affirmative Action is trying to fix, which is why you
make a fool out of yourself. Affirmative Action is not about
helping poor families, it's about helping minorities get opportunities
they haven't been able to get for decades because your and my ancestors
were assholes to their ancestors. Don't listen to what your dad
or uncle says about losing their jobs to some hmong or mexicans at the
glue factory; they are worthless and probably demanded to work for more
money than the people who took their jobs. If I totaled your car
with my biceps when you hit me as I was walking across the street, you
would want me to pay for your car, correct? If you answered yes,
you support Affirmative Action. Thank you and come again.
By the way, here's a link to his
page if you want to read more about stuff. I suppose if you enjoy
misinformed diatribes about race, religion and politics from a teenage
atheist (check out his comedy section, he has chat logs from his
discussion with a Christian friend of his, which are just absolutely
HILARIOUS), this boy's website is the thing for you.
amused--Racists are funny!Mar. 9th, 2005
03:57 pm - My Mr. Poll Poll!
Behold! I have created my very own poll, which is possibly the best poll I've ever written. Click here to be included in the greatest human case study since that one guy made that little kid scared of bunnies. What are you waiting for?! Click on the damn link!!
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bouncyMar. 2nd, 2005
03:42 pm
You Are Avril Lavigne!A bit hardcore on the outside...But sweet and sensitive on the inside. "It's a damn cold night Trying to figure out this life" |
 |
Hey, I am a bit hardcore on the outside, but sweet and sensitive on the inside! This online quiz really hit the nail right on the head, it's uncanny. I suggest all of you take this quiz and find out which rocker chick you are LOL!!!!11/1 Don't be afraid to share, either, because sharing is caring, but caring is definitely not sharing, you bastards. And no, this isn't a real update, I just felt that I needed to share this will all of you. All...none of you. Maybe a real one will come tomorrow once I'm done studying for all my awesome tests in my awesome classes. Did you know that in the case of Gideon v. Wainwright, the main reasoning behind the decision in Gideon's favor was because Supreme Court Chief Justice Black interpreted Section 1 of the 14th Amendment to mean that the Bill of Rights' power applies to the states and the national government? Probably not, you uneducated cretin. You best hit the books before Hulk Hogan finds out you aren't staying in school and UNLEASHES HULKAMANIA ALL OVER YOU!!!! BROTHA!!!
quixotic? more like QUIZotic!Feb. 26th, 2005
12:19 pm - Music You Should Listen To, Vol. 1
Yeah, I'm not feeling very creative right now, so I'm just going to be
a worthless tool and recommend music to you. Since I'm sure right now
you're either spinning that new Beck or whoever album that you stole
from their studio computer or noddin' yo head to some trippin' rhymes,
my music recommendations will be unique to you. You will hate them and
think less of me for suggesting them, but I will do it anyway in an
attempt to spread good music to the masses, because my opinion is
better than yours. Okay, first song:
"Famine Ghost", The Alter Boys
Don't let the sort of gay name fool you--these guys will roxorz your
soxorz off. They have a very interesting mix of the old surfing music,
ala The Beach Boys, combined with a little metal and a little pop. Holy
shit that sounds like a bad combination, but trust me, this is an
excellent song. The song is driven by lead singer Jason Popson's vocal
range, which jumps from a fierce growl to a sorrowful wail. This dude
seriously has a kick ass voice, I'm not kidding. Go here
for a free listen to this song and their other very strange but very
awesome song, "Pigs & Pineapples." Everybody should like
these songs, but since I recommended them, they won't because they
think they're cool. You will secretly like The Alter Boys,
though, and wish you weren't such a self-righteous bastard so you could
allow yourself to like good music rather than whatever your friends
like. You will slowly begin to hate yourself and start a
Livejournal so you can make fun of people without ever having to meet
them. You will also begin recommending music that you think is
good, and guess which song you're going to suggest? That's right,
bitch, "Famine Ghost." It all comes full circle, doesn't it?
"Vol. 3: The Subliminal Verses", Slipknot
Okay, just hold on, don't stop reading; I know most people who have a
Livejournal or that know how to read don't like Slipknot. But you
must ask yourselves, why? Is it the masks? The
jumpsuits? The fact that all the annoying, stupid goth people at
school always wear shirts with the name "Slipknot" emblazoned on
them? These are all, for lack of a better term, frickin' retarded
reasons not to like a band, and you should be shamed for thinking that
way. Have you ever really sat down and listened to a Slipknot
record? Of course you haven't, or else you'll turn out like that
dude with the black lipstick who sleeps in all your classes,
right? Well, I'd like to say that I am living proof that doesn't
happen. Slipknot is angry, yes, but in their first two CDs, they
showed glimpses of trying to add harmony and melody to their songs
(well, maybe not so much on Iowa),
and in their third effort, they have really hit the mark. They
combine the fury of past Slipknot CDs with hooks and melody, evident on
songs like "Before I Forget" and "Vermillion, Part 1." And in
case you are worthless and are into love songs, there is the wonderful
"Vermillion, Part 2," a heartfelt song that has jocks all over America
singing it to their girlfriends while hiding the fact that the song is
by Slipknot. A sure fire hit with any open-minded music fan, but
there aren't any of those, so I guess it's going to be a hit with
nobody. Dammit.
"Sticks and Stones", A New Found Glory
Just kidding, these guys fucking suck.
"Godzilla's Theme", 伊福部昭
Of all the musical scores to films I have heard in my life, this
has to be the most affecting and haunting of them all. The
melding of the crushing brass section and the suspense-inducing string
section create a mental imagery of the beast Godzilla, ruining all of
Japan's shit. 伊福部昭 really hit the mark on this one, teeing it up
and scoring a touchdown with only two ticks on the clock, creating an
appropriately foreboding theme for the most enduring movie monster of
our time. American composers could learn a few things from 伊福部昭
about creating a mood to a film; 伊福部昭's score didn't just sit in the
background of the film, it became part of the story. You could
also afford to check out the rest of 伊福部昭's work on other Godzilla
films in the CD Best of Godzilla: 1984-1995.
You could also afford to check out the films from that era, but you're
too damn cool for that, aren't you? Anyway, kudos, 伊福部昭; you are
a master at your craft, and a legend in composering or whatever.
Well, that's all the good music I think you people deserve to know
about. I might eventually make some more recommendations, seeing
as how I titled this post "Music You Should Listen To, Vol. 1,"
but I only like good music, so there might not be enough songs and
bands out there that warrant me giving them a thumbs up. Ha ha,
yeah, I rule.
hungryFeb. 20th, 2005
04:03 pm - A Test of Will Power
I wasn't planning on updating today, but this is too good to pass up; I was playing Madden 2005 as I normally do online, and I was owning once again with my advanced defense attack (with the sucky Vikings defense, no less). But sometime during the middle of the 3rd quarter, the stupid bastard unplugged his controller and now the game has paused, waiting for him to plug his controller back in. Well, I am sure as hell not going to disconnect the game and take the loss; the stupid bitch needs to be taught a lesson. At the time I write this, I have been waiting for roughly 2 hours for him to quit or plug his controller back in. Updates will come throughout the day as I try and make it through this very stupid episode of my day. I can tell this will be a long battle, for I can only imagine he has an infinite amount of child porn to toss off to while he waits for me to break. I have plenty of Spanish and biology homework to do, so I have no problem waiting this out. Donations will be accepted by anyone who wants to support me in this trying time.
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grumpy -- I hate idiots!Feb. 18th, 2005
06:41 pm
I've been doing some looking around at other people's Livejournals, and I've come to discover that most people actually use their LJs (the street term) to talk about and personally analyze the day's events. I figured I might give that a try today and recount what happened in my wonderful day for the enjoyment of all. I sort of just throw in times randomly with no set periods or anything, and I really don't keep a consistent tense, so yeah. Just read, little bitch, it'll be okay.
9:56 am--I wake up. "Curses," I breathe to myself. "I'm up a half hour before my alarm was supposed to go off." I knew I couldn't just go back to sleep, since I can't fall asleep until after I imagine myself in a ten minute threesome with Kirsten Dunst and Scarlett Johansson. I get up, angry at the Gods who have damned me to a loss of almost thirty minutes of sleep, and proceed to choose my clothing for the day. The jeans I wore the day before look the most appealing to me, along with my Nike sweater that I found abandoned last year in a vacation home my family was staying at. I also decided to forgo both breakfast and brushing my teeth in favor of going on the internet to check my empty e-mail inbox. After thirty minutes of looking at Something Awful's Photoshop Phriday, it is time to go to my one class of the day. I slap on my babe-attracting Axe Deoderant, throw on my Pro Football Hall of Fame baseball cap (an oxymoron if I've ever seen one) and head out the door, with book bag in hand and a song in my heart. I mentally ready myself to learn Spanish, the language of the future rulers of America. Down the hill I walk, thinking how cool I must look to everybody.
10:59 am--I get to Spanish class with a minute to spare. There are losers there that have obviously been there for up to three minutes already; I silently mock them. I take my seat in the back of the class (that's where all the pimps sit) just as "La Profesora" enters the room. Instantly she peppers us with advanced Spanish words and phrases, like "¿Cómo éstan?" and "la fin de semana." After being thoroughly confused by her quick speaking and distracting yet meaningless body motions, she throws a worksheet at us. I quickly pray to Allah to help guide me to the answers, but in response, the True God says "Sheeeet, I'm Arabian! I don't know no damn Spanish, foo'!" After fumbling my way through the paper, she asks us to read our answers aloud to the class (or at least that's what I gathered from her facial expression). Nervously I read my answer, which turned out to be in perfect Spanish. I perform a SOCOM II celebratory dance inside my head when I returned to my seat. Then we were required to start writing a one page paper--IN SPANISH!!!!--and have it done by a week and half from today. I openly wept as the class ended and I headed out the door.
11:53 am--I go to the campus bookstore in search of pencils and lip blam, for I can no longer ignore the vagina-sized crack that is appearing the middle of my bottom lip. I quickly find the mechanical pencils I love so much (the ones with those big soft white erasers that are perfect for doodling in class when the teacher is talking about his or her political views). Soon, the lip balm is soon revealed to me by Allah, making up for dropping the ball on that Spanish worksheet earlier. I head up to the counter, strangely nervous that I had to buy lip balm. I for some reason believe that perhaps people would think less of me if they knew my lips chapped like a bitch, but I figure it would only be a secret the cashier and I would share. Unfortunately, the package of lip balm has no price tag on it, so she loudly asks how much it cost. Terrified, I shrug my shoulders as the people in the growing line behind me look questioningly at me. They trade whispers with one another, speculating about why I needed lip balm. I could only imagine what they were saying, possibly something to the effect of "Why does that guy have to buy lip balm? How did his lips get so chapped?", which was probably answered by "He's probably been sucking too much cock lately." I barely hold the tears back as I pay for my items and briskly head out the door, never to show my face in the campus bookstore again.
12:11 pm--I make it back to my dorm room despite the hella cold weather outside, carrying a Stuft Burrito and cookie I bought at the campus shitty-food store on the way up the hill. I heartily eat both as I engage in AIM conversations with high school chums. I decide to play some SOCOM II online after my friend tells me to, since I am a sucker for peer pressure. A good time is had by all, since we were witness to accusations of homosexuality and claims of racial dominance, which are pretty normal occurances on SOCOM II online. I, of course, kick ass, but due to my teammates being n00bs/bad maps/lag, I often find myself on the losing side of many a battle. At one point I am kicked out of a snipers only room because I had "crossed over" and ran up to the terrorists and shot them point blank with my sniper rifle. Apparently, this is a big no-no in the snipers only community. I also discover that snipers only players hate having fun of any kind and often engage in rather suspicious father-son relationships with each other. I soon become bored with being the best SOCOM II player in the world and decide to listen to some music and surf "the net."
5:12 pm--Yeah, that's right--I played SOCOM II for FIVE HOURS, and I didn't even feel bad about it. I sit on my computer until suddenly an old acquaintance of mine from high school AIMed me. He gets off to a bad start, calling me "time" and being slow to correct himself. I blow off the mistake since I am a forgiving person, and I make a delightfully witty comment about the current state of hockey in America. I soon discover my friend is a crazy-ass hockey fan, because he gives a BS reason why hockey isn't popular in the USA. He says they have too many teams, which somehow makes people hate hockey. I thought it was strange that football actually had two more teams than hockey does in its league, yet is infinitely more popular. Not quite thinking he was serious, I crack that the only reason why hockey is popular in the northern states of America is because we have caught whatever freaky disease the Canadians have, but the disease cannot survive past the Wisconsin/Illinois border. He goes on to list many hockey-loving states that are above the WI/IL border to disprove my point, which makes me shake my head in disapproval. His logic and way of life thoroughly crushed by my infinite wisdom and logic, he says something to the effect of "well i'm goIng two go WAatch broomball now... teh Poormans' hockie so SUCK ON TAHT!!1/11" and quickly signs off AIM before I can respond. I silently pray for his soul since he was not going to play broomball, but rather watch broomball, which is perhaps the lamest thing anyone in the world has ever done.
6:15 pm--I decide to play Madden. I randomly pick the Ravens and my opponent picks the Falcons, and I laugh to myself. Anyone who picks the Falcons is either a gigantic n00b or a beast, and early on in the game, I could tell he was not the latter. Confused by the complex blitzing scheme I had employed, he quits the game before the end of the third quarter. I run it down the computer's throat, which proves to suck just as bad as the human player had. The final score is 35-0 HOLY SHIT PWWWWNNNNEED!!!111 A good waste of an hour.
7:15 pm--I start writing this. Damn, this is getting long. I guess I'll just say that I am hit by a bus in my room at this point so this post can end.
In conclusion, that was my day. Pretty awesome, no? No? Really? It sucked? Well, whatever, I don't care. I'm going to sleep now, so Scarlett and Kirsten better get ready.
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rhymes with "balm!"Feb. 15th, 2005
05:04 pm - Holy Shit, Only 30 More Minutes Until My 4 Minute Song Downloads!
The internet certainly is great, I have decided. From cheap, good pornography to live streaming videos of lonely, average looking girls taking off their clothes, even to naked people having sex, the internet is filled with anything anyone could ever want. Songs have also been made free thanks to the King of the Internet's ruling, and now I can steal songs from musicians before they even think about recording the songs. By the way, Ashlee Simpson has taken a more darker tone in her next album, "The Bleeding Orgasm," but I must say that I enjoy the usage of electronic accordions in her songs. Kudos, Ashlee; that's a solid record you're going to make right there. Anyway, the internet is full of wonderful things, and a gateway to all of this is google.com. This might be perhaps the most useful tool on the internet, allowing me to search for anything in the world and get hundreds of porn sites in return. Here, let's try one just so all of you that are new to the internet can see what I'm talking about; I type in the name "Ashlee Simpson" (to keep in tune with the theme here), and I get the following results:
http://www.misterpoll.com/278493482.htm
http://www.teenmusic.com/artist.asp?a_i
http://www.goatse.ex --Goddamn Goatse! I can't go two feet in the internet without your stretched anus being shoved in my face! DAMN YOU!!
Also, the internet allows you to express your opinions with little or no consequence. Case in point, http://www.wakeupordie.com/html/gateway
Yeah, that about covers the internet. There's some other stuff on it too, I guess, but I don't have the energy to cover it due to my activities on the Ashlee Simpson teenmusic.com boards taking up most of my time. Wow, my song still hasn't downloaded. Fuck you, Shareaza, give me my Mushroomhead song. I will send you a disguised link to Goatse if you don't, you bastard program. God the internet sucks.
Feb. 10th, 2005
01:28 pm - Ladies and Gentlemen, President... KERRY? A "What If?!" Tale
by Shimi Shaik, Washington Post
Now that we are almost a month into the new Kerry Administration, we can begin to judge and evaluate the legacy that he has already left on the office of the presidency. President Kerry has spent the last few weeks talking to North Korea and Iran, discussing the terms of the surrender of Oregon and Nebraska to the two remaining Axis of Evil members. Finally, Kerry came to the American people to tell them that Colorado and Tennessee have also been thrown into the concessions, along with the new law that all Americans must wear diapers soiled by French Muslims on the outside of their clothing when traveling abroad. Kerry stressed that we must move on despite the resounding losses the US suffered on the negotiating table and continue to obey the commands of our Islamic and Communist conquerers, lest we wish to lose another state or sport more human waste when vacationing outside of the United States. When questioned why so much was lost to the Axis of Evil despite there never being a military conflict, Kerry firmly stated that the Iranians threatened, as he said it, "un-lubed buttsex" and "punches below the belt," and there was little he or his democratic negotiators could do about the threats.
While the war against people-who-haven't-attacked-us-yet isn't turning out exactly as Kerry had planned, the war against people-who-might-of-wanted-to-attack-us-b
On the domestic front, President Kerry's decisions have been met with mixed reactions. In the case of abortion, Kerry made his most famous speech to date, with the now famous line "I don't support abortion, but if I don't know about it, it can't hurt me, right? Am I right? (which was coupled with a knowing wink and grin towards the American public)", summarizing the entire message of the speech. Pro-life advocates cried foul on the speech, pointing to the suspicious tone and gestures Kerry made throughout the speech; pro-baby killing advocates praised the speech, saying it would be a defining moment in Kerry's tenure at the White House. On a probably unrelated note, alley cats and homeless people in America's urban areas have been caught carrying aborted fetuses found in dumpsters in their mouths at a rate 3000 times greater than in the past decade. Authorities are investigating why.
Kerry has also had mixed results on the gay marriage issue. To please the homophobic midwest, Kerry has sent out his newly acquired Russian troops to wrangle up all admitted and suspected homosexuals across the country. These captured queers have all been sent to populate San Francisco and Massachusetts, creating a sort of Israel and Jeruselum for homosexuals. Large walls have been built up all around the city and the state so neighboring straight citizens don't have to look at their butch hair cuts and metrosexual fashion sense. To appeal to the gays on the issue, Kerry decided that inside their compounds, homosexuals can not only get married, but can create their own laws. They are free to produce their own TV shows and movies so as long as they keep them all within their fortress of homosexuality, the Kerry mandate said. Gays have largely been in support of the idea, although they aren't fans of the Motolov cocktails Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter keep throwing over the walls.
Social Security is fucked up. Bad.
That pretty much covers President Kerry's first month in office up to this point. The advances made by his administration have been a mixed bag, making peace but at the same time being forced to watch crusty foreign men have their ways with his daughters. The next four years promise to be groundbreaking and awesome in this reporter's opinion, because I wasn't really that big of a fan of Oregon or babies in the first place.
chipperFeb. 8th, 2005
08:26 pm - Pamphlets Change Lives
The other day, on my way back from my history class across the bridge in the fine arts building (?) I was stopped at the mouth of the bridge by a man dressed in a very dapper black suit. Turns out that this man is part of some church somewhere, and he had a handful of pamphlets, ready to distribute to the general population. He was kind enough to give me a pamphlet, even though I did my best to avoid him. I took the pamphlet to my economics class where I proceeded to read it (because I rule economics and I don't need to pay attention). According to this pamphlet, apparently I have been living my life in sin in the eyes of the Lord. It gave the analogy of almost catching an airplane is still missing your flight, just like almost being a Christian is still missing out on Heaven, because as we all know, all you have to do to go to Heaven is be a Christian. This really opened up my mind. My whole life had been a lie, and now this pamphlet had made me realize this. Wow, I thought; with the knowledge held inside of this pamphlet, I will now become a member of this church, and forsake my past Allah worshiping ways. It truly was a glorious day for Christianity...
Well, it would have been if that had happened at all. I don't know who the person is who thought that pamphlets about anything would change people's belief systems, but I can pretty much assume he still has trouble not wetting the bed at night. No pamphlet has ever changed anybody's life, with the exception of ones laced with anthrax. This guy obviously thought that somehow his pamphlets would change the mind of college students and make them want to join his church. First of all, if you're going to hand out pamphlets in an attempt to get people to change their mind sets and join your religion, you probably don't want to do it at a college campus. Colleges are like petri dishes for hedonistic and atheist activities, and I'm pretty sure pamphlets aren't going to change this. People who live on colleges have been perfecting their anti-God rhetoric for years, and your pamphlet, however clever and colorful it is, will not do jack squat to change anybody at all. That guy should try handing those pamphlets out at a first grade classroom, that's when you get them. Tell them that your religion is the one with Santa, and Santa doesn't give presents to Hindus or atheists, only Christians. You'll have them hooked for life, just like that. But nobody does this because most people are too much of pussies to walk into a classroom and hand out pamphlets that say why you are going to hell and what you should do about that (the solution generally involves lots of alone time with your pastor, if you know what I mean). You have to get those little mongrels before they can start thinking for themselves, that's when you begin molding them to be soldiers of Christ. Those damn New Yorkians (Yorkites?) and Hollywood Jewish Nazis don't understand.
Basically what I'm saying is that if you want to make me change to your religion, you better do something that's really awesome, like taking a Buddhist and have him get struck by lightning inside a building when he starts to pray or meditate or whatever Buddhists do. Your pamphlets mean nothing to me. Same goes with political pamphlets; you may say Bush is a strong leader and have a picture of him looking at the ceiling in front of an American flag in your pamphlet, but I still read the news and think, "No. No, he's not doing a really good job. Stop voting for him." In fact, get rid of pamphlets all together. Then I wouldn't have so damn many of them in my back pack.
cheerfulFeb. 3rd, 2005
08:00 pm - Latvia is Where the Gangstas Live
Man, Latvia is hardcore. I've always known this as a fact, ever since I saw a man dressed in traditional Latvian religious clothing kill a man with his big toe. My belief was further solidified when today in my journalism class we got to watch a music video from a Latvian rapper. Oh my God, that ruled. They were all wearing big snow jackets, had a pit bull, and sported fabulous bling, just like real honest-to-gosh black rappers here in America. My Latvian is a little rusty, but I was able to discern from the images presented in the video that Latvian cops are just as abusive as they are here in America. They were pulling over and harassing all the darker-skinned Latvians in the ghettos, profiling them and their face smothering unibrows. Cop hatred of brothers and playahs is world wide, and this video proves it. You have to wonder how cops act in the heart of Africa. Damn, they must be mean down there. Anyway, this group of street hardened Latvians proved to me that the message of rap is universal, unless it is sung in a different language. Then I can't tell what the hell they are saying.
I have a bowling meet this weekend. Goddamn, that's going to suck. It's the perfect time for bowling, too, since the Super Bowl is on. The organizers of this tournament decided that nobody who bowls probably likes football, so holding a meet until 5 at night in Green Bay isn't going to affect anybody in any way. Golly, imagine how pissed I'd be if the Packers would have made the Super Bowl? Murders would have been committed, by God. Now we're just going to have sexual assaults, but those are still pretty bad. Damn you, bowling tournament planners; damn you for forcing me to take out my frustration on other people's orifaces. I hope someone has rigged Paul McCartney's pants to fall off during the half time show, revealing very publicly to the world that the Cute Beatle likes to free ball. I will laugh because I will get to miss it thanks to bowling, and then will get to enjoy the fiasco sans-penis in the news when they blur it out. Yes, that is going to rule.
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